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Author Topic: Make me laugh.  (Read 37960 times)
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baltimorebone

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« on: Nov 15, 2012, 12:41PM »

I've had an awful day.

Please make me laugh.

 :cry:
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1982 Bach Stradivarius 42
1947 Olds Special LA
Eric01

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« Reply #1 on: Nov 15, 2012, 01:04PM »

Two mathematicians, Joe and Bob, are in a restaurant.  Joe is talking
about how he feels that math education has really improved in his
lifetime.


Bob is a grumpy old man.  He disagrees.  Strongly.


Joe says, "You know, I bet the average person on the street even knows
a little calculus."  Bob laughs.


Bob goes to the bathroom.  While he's gone, Joe calls their waitress
over and tells her: "Listen, I'm going to ask you to come over here in
about five minutes.  When you do, I'll ask you a question.  I want you
to answer "One-third x cubed." If you do, I'll leave an extra $5 in the
tip."


The waitress blinks at him.  "One thir-dex cue?"


"Sure, close enough."


Bob comes back from the bathroom and Joe says, "Look, I'll bet our
waitress knows the integral of x squared."


Bob scoffs.  Joe bets him $10.


They call the waitress over and Joe asks her the integral of x
squared.  As instructed, she answers "One third x cubed".


And as she's walking away, she calls back over her shoulder, "plus a
constant."

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3rd Trombone in Waldport
baltimorebone

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« Reply #2 on: Nov 15, 2012, 01:19PM »

 Good!

I am an economist so this got a smile!

Thanks Eric!
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1982 Bach Stradivarius 42
1947 Olds Special LA
greg waits
« Reply #3 on: Nov 15, 2012, 02:00PM »

How can you spot an extroverted economist?

When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
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baltimorebone

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« Reply #4 on: Nov 15, 2012, 02:10PM »

How can you spot an extroverted economist?

When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Haha! Thanks Greg.
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1982 Bach Stradivarius 42
1947 Olds Special LA
Andrew Meronek

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« Reply #5 on: Nov 15, 2012, 02:18PM »

Last Christmas, I got a blind friend of mine a Lord Of The Rings book set. Being a bit of an egotist, I gave him a little speech:

"George, now I got you something really special for Christmas. I know how you love a bit of classic literature, and I'll have you know that I searched high and low for this. In fact, I had to travel all the way to Joe Fein Bookstore in Pontiac to find this. It's one-of-a-kind, and made specially for you. You really should thank me for this, and thank me well. Wink. Wink."

So, I handed the set over.

"George, this is the wholly braille."

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"All musicians are subconsciously mathematicians."

- Thelonious Monk
Paul Martin
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« Reply #6 on: Nov 15, 2012, 02:30PM »

How can you spot an extroverted economist?

When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

I'm told that most people go into economics, because they lack the personality needed to be accountants.
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Stretch Longarm
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« Reply #7 on: Nov 15, 2012, 02:42PM »

Last Christmas, I got a blind friend of mine a Lord Of The Rings book set. Being a bit of an egotist, I gave him a little speech:

"George, now I got you something really special for Christmas. I know how you love a bit of classic literature, and I'll have you know that I searched high and low for this. In fact, I had to travel all the way to Joe Fein Bookstore in Pontiac to find this. It's one-of-a-kind, and made specially for you. You really should thank me for this, and thank me well. Wink. Wink."

So, I handed the set over.

"George, this is the wholly braille."



I don't get it...how could he see you winking if he's blind?
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trombone airflow is 360 degrees. Think about it.
Andrew Meronek

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« Reply #8 on: Nov 15, 2012, 02:44PM »

I don't get it...how could he see you winking if he's blind?

Becaise I said "Wink. Wink." Presumably, he was listening.
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"All musicians are subconsciously mathematicians."

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Stretch Longarm
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« Reply #9 on: Nov 15, 2012, 02:46PM »

Becaise I said "Wink. Wink." Presumably, he was listening.

I was kidding...! "wink, wink"
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trombone airflow is 360 degrees. Think about it.
Andrew Meronek

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« Reply #10 on: Nov 15, 2012, 02:46PM »

My blind friend Greorge later died and ended up in front of Saint Peter and the pearly gates.

"Are you Saint Peter? How did I end up here?"
"Yes, I am Saint Peter. What is the last thing that you remember?"
"Well, I was touring a skyscraper . . . wait, did I fall?"
"Yes. You found the holey rail."
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"All musicians are subconsciously mathematicians."

- Thelonious Monk
Andrew Meronek

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« Reply #11 on: Nov 15, 2012, 02:47PM »

I was kidding...! "wink, wink"

Wait, how do I know that you really winked?  Confused
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"All musicians are subconsciously mathematicians."

- Thelonious Monk
Andrew Meronek

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« Reply #12 on: Nov 15, 2012, 02:50PM »

A dyslexic man went up to a concession stand at a Red Wings game and said, "hi, I would like to buy a Goalie Hail."
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"All musicians are subconsciously mathematicians."

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Stretch Longarm
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« Reply #13 on: Nov 15, 2012, 02:50PM »

Wait, how do I know that you really winked?  Confused

"I see what you mean", said the blind carpenter, as he picked up his hammer and saw.
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trombone airflow is 360 degrees. Think about it.
baltimorebone

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« Reply #14 on: Nov 15, 2012, 02:53PM »

I'm told that most people go into economics, because they lack the personality needed to be accountants.

Ouch!
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1982 Bach Stradivarius 42
1947 Olds Special LA
baltimorebone

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« Reply #15 on: Nov 15, 2012, 02:55PM »

This is really helping! Keep the gags coming!
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1982 Bach Stradivarius 42
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Piano man
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« Reply #16 on: Nov 15, 2012, 04:47PM »

A couple goes to their pastor for marriage counseling.

The pastor asks the woman to talk about her marriage. She goes on for some time about feeling neglected and unloved. After a few minutes, the pastor grabs the woman, embraces her and kisses her passionately.

He lets her go, then turns to the husband and says, "She needs that every single day. Can you commit to that?"

The husband says, "I can bring her down to the church on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, but on other days you'll have to come out to the house."
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"What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know, it's what we know for sure that just ain't so." --Mark Twain
Bonefide
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« Reply #17 on: Nov 15, 2012, 04:54PM »

If you aren't an Os fan, this might not do it for you...

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« Reply #18 on: Nov 15, 2012, 04:58PM »

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...
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"What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know, it's what we know for sure that just ain't so." --Mark Twain
Bonefide
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« Reply #19 on: Nov 15, 2012, 06:22PM »

So I says to my one legged wife, Peg . . .
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