Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length

 
Advanced search

1080969 Posts in 71555 Topics- by 19061 Members - Latest Member: Solitario85
Jump to:  
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 [7] 8  All   Go Down
Print
Author Topic: Make me laugh.  (Read 36552 times)
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Glenn
*
Offline Offline

Location:
Joined: Feb 1, 2014
Posts: 6

View Profile
« Reply #120 on: Jan 23, 2015, 09:00AM »

I finally figured out what middle age is:
You're old enough to put your parents in a home, and your kids are old enough to put you in a home! 
Logged
robcat2075

*
Offline Offline

Location: Dallas, Texas
Joined: Apr 19, 2009
Posts: 5933

View Profile
« Reply #121 on: Feb 02, 2015, 09:08AM »


9 pictures of cats on glass tables taken from below

Logged

Robert Holmén

Hear me as I Play My Horn


Get your Popper, Dotzauer, or Kummer play-alongs!
robcat2075

*
Offline Offline

Location: Dallas, Texas
Joined: Apr 19, 2009
Posts: 5933

View Profile
« Reply #122 on: Feb 05, 2015, 09:07PM »

Logged

Robert Holmén

Hear me as I Play My Horn


Get your Popper, Dotzauer, or Kummer play-alongs!
jalapeno

*
Offline Offline

Location: San Antonio
Joined: Feb 6, 2014
Posts: 551

View Profile
« Reply #123 on: Feb 05, 2015, 09:10PM »

http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6994763/18-kids-who-definitely-bested-their-teachers/page:4

http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6994763/18-kids-who-definitely-bested-their-teachers/page:8
Logged

Marmalade
robcat2075

*
Offline Offline

Location: Dallas, Texas
Joined: Apr 19, 2009
Posts: 5933

View Profile
« Reply #124 on: Mar 23, 2015, 09:14PM »

Do you like painting?

You'll love the Bob Ross of Japan

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/v/_dZ3J02UAGs" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/v/_dZ3J02UAGs</a>
Logged

Robert Holmén

Hear me as I Play My Horn


Get your Popper, Dotzauer, or Kummer play-alongs!
BillO
A trombone is not measured by it's name.

*
Offline Offline

Location: Ontario Canada
Joined: Jun 24, 2015
Posts: 2984

View Profile
« Reply #125 on: Dec 06, 2015, 09:59AM »

Q-What's the difference between?:

1) A trombonist squashed on the road
2) A skunk squashed on the road

A-The skunk was probably on his way to a gig.

Q-What's the dynamic range of a bass trombone?
A-On and Off

Q-Why do people play trombone?
A-They can't read music and use their fingers at the same time

Q-What is another name for the Trombone?
A-The Wamopa - Wind activated, manually operated pitch approximator

Q-What do you call a trombonist with a regular gig?
A-A clarinet player

Q-What does a trombonist do to prepare his car for a hot date?
A-He takes the Dominoes Pizza sign off the roof.
Logged

Never look at the conductor. You just encourage them.

Have you noticed, some folk never stick around to help tidy up after practice?
harrison.t.reed
*
Online Online

Location: Colorado
Joined: Apr 5, 2007
Posts: 2576
"Spartan Brass Band!"


View Profile
« Reply #126 on: Jan 14, 2016, 06:37PM »

Ok, so when I lived on Ft Bragg, deployment was a constant thing on everyone's mind. There are a lot of spouses that are home alone or with kids, worrying about their deployed spouse. And it's really sad.

So: my wife and I were out for a walk and we heard a woman talking. There never was a response so we assumed she was on the phone. She sounded distressed.

"Stop... just stop. You're making it so difficult."

Then

"Why are you so unstable? Just listen to me. Help me out for just a second here"

We were pretty concerned because she sounded upset and we were whispering about how her husband must not be communicating enough while deployed or that they were going through a rough patch.

We rounded the corner and she came into view.

"Stop being so unstable!"

She had her dog on it's hind legs, with its front paws on her shoulders. She was trying to put a doggie coat on it... a dog on it's hind legs is really not stable at all. He was loving the attention and had that sort of dumb, "I love you so much" dog expression on.

We couldn't stop laughing.
Logged

"My technique is as good as Initial D"
T-396A - Griego 1C
88HTCL - Griego 1C
36H - DE XT105, C+, D Alto Shank
3B/F Silversonic - Griego 1A ss
pBone (with Yellow bell for bright tone)
Mr.Xerneas
*
Offline Offline

Location:
Joined: Oct 26, 2015
Posts: 27

View Profile
« Reply #127 on: Jan 23, 2016, 09:33PM »

I did have a really good joke I heard yesterday. Tubad I forgot it!  Evil:-0
Logged
ISAB

*
Offline Offline

Location: Chicago (suburbs)
Joined: Oct 17, 2016
Posts: 134
"Trombone Enthusiast"


View Profile
« Reply #128 on: Nov 16, 2016, 02:44PM »

Hahaha  :)
I was always told that laughing was contagious :D
:-P
Logged

Bach Student Model TB301 Tenor Trombone - 12C
Yamaha YSL882GO Xeno - Peter Sullivan Signature
ISAB

*
Offline Offline

Location: Chicago (suburbs)
Joined: Oct 17, 2016
Posts: 134
"Trombone Enthusiast"


View Profile
« Reply #129 on: Nov 16, 2016, 02:48PM »

I did have a really good joke I heard yesterday. Tubad I forgot it!  Evil:-0
Lol that always happens to me too
Logged

Bach Student Model TB301 Tenor Trombone - 12C
Yamaha YSL882GO Xeno - Peter Sullivan Signature
Whitbey
*
Offline Offline

Location: Rochester MI USA
Joined: Apr 14, 2000
Posts: 938

View Profile WWW
« Reply #130 on: Nov 26, 2016, 10:25AM »

Go to hardware store
Buy plunger for plunger mute
Go to the check out counter
Watch their face when you say that you don't need the wooden handle.
 Evil

I did this. Said I was a tough guy and did not need the handle.
Logged

See my profile for my horns. To long to put on each post.
Piano man
*
Offline Offline

Location:
Joined: Feb 10, 2006
Posts: 9860

View Profile
« Reply #131 on: Nov 26, 2016, 02:21PM »

I did this. Said I was a tough guy and did not need the handle.

Excellent!

Off the subject a bit, has anyone else cut the handle really short and rounded it off and used it that way?

[edit]
I mean as a mute, not as a plumber's friend.
Logged

"What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know, it's what we know for sure that just ain't so." --Mark Twain
robcat2075

*
Offline Offline

Location: Dallas, Texas
Joined: Apr 19, 2009
Posts: 5933

View Profile
« Reply #132 on: Dec 04, 2016, 02:49PM »

Soviet-era joke found on a piano forum...

"The joke has to do with a little symbol called 'znak kachestva' or 'the mark of quality'. It's a little pentagon with, as I recall an anvil and the letters CCCP. Good solid, commie symbol. It appears on the underside of nearly every Soviet-era consumer product. To those familiar with Soviet-era consumer goods, it is considered something like a "Mr. Yuk" sticker.





So the joke goes:

The Delegates are wandering in to the chamber of the U.N. Suddenly, someone lets out a gasp. *Gasp!* There is a large piece of excrement on the table at the center of the room. Whispering ensues with speculation as to whose excrement it might be. The denials start immediately!

The American delegate says, "well, it can't possibly be American...it's not big enough."

The German delegate says, "it is not German, it is not perfectly round."

The British delegate says, "it certainly is not British, it is not the correct color."

The French delegate says, "I am sure it is not French as it does not have the proper odor."

The Russian delegate picks up the piece of excrement, looks at the underside and says, "it is not Russian, it does not have the mark of quality."


Logged

Robert Holmén

Hear me as I Play My Horn


Get your Popper, Dotzauer, or Kummer play-alongs!
bonearzt

*
Offline Offline

Location: Denton-Dallas/Ft.Worth TX
Joined: Oct 23, 2004
Posts: 4090
"UTEP Alumni/Legend in my own mind!"


View Profile WWW
« Reply #133 on: Dec 08, 2016, 06:55PM »

When You Are Over Seventy

I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and
said, “You’re kind’a cute. You gotta phone number?”

I said, “Yeah, you gotta pen?”

She said, “Yeah, I got a pen”.

I said, “You better get back in it before the farmer misses you.”

Cost me 6 stitches… but, when you’re over seventy... who cares?



Cowboy: “Give me 3 packets of condoms, please.”

Lady Cashier: “Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

Cowboy: “Nah… She’s purty good lookin’…"

When you’re over seventy… who cares?
Logged

Eric, Leandra, Sara, Jared & Lily
Edwards
"The bitterness of poor quality remains long after the sweetness of low price has faded!"
"If you're doing something a certain way ONLY because it's always been done that way,  you're probably doing it wrong!"
TomBone4
*
Offline Offline

Location: Minneapolis
Joined: Sep 16, 2016
Posts: 68

View Profile
« Reply #134 on: Jan 07, 2017, 09:35AM »

I'm sure this has been seen on the forum several times before, but to bring back some laughs...

Mnozil Brass' Lonely Boy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYRMbj6U2Ww

You can skip to 3:53 if you don't want to watch the intro

Logged

Hop on the struggle bus, for I own the company.
bonearzt

*
Offline Offline

Location: Denton-Dallas/Ft.Worth TX
Joined: Oct 23, 2004
Posts: 4090
"UTEP Alumni/Legend in my own mind!"


View Profile WWW
« Reply #135 on: May 03, 2017, 07:08PM »

All the members of the company's Board of Directors
were called into the Chairman's office, one after another,
until only Ted, the junior member, was left sitting outside.

Finally it was his turn to be summoned.

Ted entered the office to find the Chairman and the other
four Directors seated at the far end of the boardroom table.

Ted was instructed to stand at the other end of the table,
which he did.

The Chairman looked Ted squarely in the eye, and with
a stern voice, he asked,       
"Have you ever had sex with my secretary, Miss Foyt?"

"Oh, no, sir, positively not!" Ted replied.

"Are you absolutely sure?" asked the chairman.
"Honest, I've never been close enough to even touch her!"

"You'd swear to that?"

"Yes, I swear I've never had sex with Miss Foyt,
anytime, anywhere,"I nsisted Ted.

"Good. Then you fire her."
Logged

Eric, Leandra, Sara, Jared & Lily
Edwards
"The bitterness of poor quality remains long after the sweetness of low price has faded!"
"If you're doing something a certain way ONLY because it's always been done that way,  you're probably doing it wrong!"
slide advantage
*
*
Offline Offline

Location:
Joined: Apr 18, 2016
Posts: 703

View Profile WWW
« Reply #136 on: May 23, 2017, 02:54PM »

http://www.physics-astronomy.com/2017/04/hubble-just-spotted-something-massive.html?m=1#.WSHKiSMpBnF
Logged
MrPillow
Organologique et plus!

*
Offline Offline

Location: Newport, RI
Joined: Jan 14, 2008
Posts: 1535

View Profile
« Reply #137 on: May 23, 2017, 03:03PM »

On the contrary, had they worded it any differently, how much less attention would it have received!
Logged

King 3B/F Silversonic - King 608F - Holton Paul Whiteman Model
slide advantage
*
*
Offline Offline

Location:
Joined: Apr 18, 2016
Posts: 703

View Profile WWW
« Reply #138 on: May 23, 2017, 03:13PM »

   LOVE?

           
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands.
           
The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands.
           
Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"
           
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
           
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband - "I love you, Sweetheart"
           
Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.
           
Below are 12 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?
             
           
1. Who the hell is this?             
           
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
             
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?
                         
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
             
5. I don't understand what you mean..
             
6. What the hell did you do now?
             
7. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need.
             
8) Am I dreaming?
             
9. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will                  die.
             
10. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day..
                         
11. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?
Logged
doubleslyde

*
Offline Offline

Location: Joshua Tree Ca.
Joined: Jan 8, 2012
Posts: 349
"Create !"


View Profile
« Reply #139 on: May 28, 2017, 12:34PM »

Smoking causes cancer, right? We all could come down with colon cancer from all the political smoke the media is blowing up our collective ass.
Logged

It is indeed pitiful to behold potentially giant intellects held so securely within the cruel grasp of cultural bondage.
Wisdom is borne of developing the savvy to know the difference between education and indoctrination.
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 [7] 8  All   Go Up
Print
Jump to: