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Author Topic: Make me laugh.  (Read 36549 times)
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Jox

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« Reply #20 on: Nov 15, 2012, 06:42PM »

What type of bees make milk?





Boo bees
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Xavier Gonzalez
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BGuttman
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« Reply #21 on: Nov 15, 2012, 07:00PM »

How about the dyslexic agnostic who questioned the existence of Dog?
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Bruce Guttman
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Eric01

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« Reply #22 on: Nov 15, 2012, 10:04PM »

I didn't want to do this but....

Back in the days after WWII, many Polish orphans were brought to the United States for adoption.

A couple from a small town, deep in the Washington woods, put out an offer and duly received a bouncing baby boy.

The name on the receiving blanket and the paper work identified the child as one "Dominic Doykowskiwcz."

The semi-literate adopting couple stared at that for a while.  Decided it incomprehensible.  And decided to call the kid "Doodah."  They gave him their last name.

Turned out, Doodah was fine boy.  He went through the school system as a bright lad, excelled in sports (for the first time, the town's HS football team won the state -1A championship with Doodah as quarterback.  He scored 50 points a night as guard on the BB team.  He was the first ever National Merit Scholarship winner from his HS.

But, because of loyalty to those who raised and loved him, he forsook scholarship offers, both academic and athletic, and chose to go to work for the town based lumber company.

The owner of the lumber mill had a marriageable daughter who had been in love with Doodah since 3rd grade.  She and Doodah married and moved into a rose covered cottage at the edge of town, there to share the bliss of the heavenly matched.

One day, though, tragedy struck.

While setting choker chain, Doodah had the set-up run foul.  A huge section of Douglas fir swung out of control, smashed him flat, and killed him instantly.

All the crew gathered round.  Distraught.  Doodah had been a hard worker, friendly, cheerful, wise-cracking.  A favorite of all.

The crew boss was stunned.  "I can't do this," he said.  "I can't face Susan with this."  ("Susan" being Doodah's wife, of course).

The group stood silently for a while, until one of the boys in the back volunteered. 

"Hey, boss, I've had a couple of courses in psychology.  I can probably think of the right thing to say."  "You got it," replied the crew chief, with a sigh of relief.

So Buster, for that was his name, went back into town forthwith and trudged up to the Rose-Covered Cottage and knocked on the door.

When Susan answered, Buster stood back, gathered himself, and sang:

"Guess who died in the woods today."
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3rd Trombone in Waldport
baltimorebone

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« Reply #23 on: Nov 16, 2012, 03:55AM »

I hope today goes better! Thanks everyone for your jokes! They helped a lot  :)
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« Reply #24 on: Nov 22, 2012, 08:30AM »

It's been a really crap day, after a crap couple of weeks, but this made me laugh! :)

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2012/11/22/dogs-eating-peanut-butter-compilation/
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Christine (red hot - that's what!)
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« Reply #25 on: Nov 22, 2012, 02:36PM »

Trust me on this one. It's short, too.

http://agylen.com/2006/07/17/unintentionally-funny-company-urls/

I should mention that you should just read the article and not click on any of the URLs. When it was first published, all of the URLs were still in force for their original purpose (I checked 'em all out, and it was legit). Most of them still are, but a couple have been abandoned by their original owners (for reasons that will be obvious), and repurposed to direct people to sites that wouldn't be appropriate on this forum.
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Torobone

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« Reply #26 on: Nov 23, 2012, 02:34AM »

It's been a really crap day, after a crap couple of weeks, but this made me laugh! :)

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2012/11/22/dogs-eating-peanut-butter-compilation/

Yup, I watch this live with our own dog. It goes on for a long time, even with a small amount!
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Martin Hubel
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« Reply #27 on: Nov 23, 2012, 02:49AM »

Yup, I watch this live with our own dog. It goes on for a long time, even with a small amount!

The final one in the clip, with the stuff all over his nose, is probably still at it.... :)

Odd though. It would never have occurred to me to give a dog peanut butter!
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Christine (red hot - that's what!)
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BGuttman
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« Reply #28 on: Nov 23, 2012, 05:38AM »

We give our dogs soup bones (not used for soup, but instead simply baked with garlic) and when they have finished extracting the marrow from them we refill the cavity with peanut butter.  The bone gets a "new life" and the dogs just love them.
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Bruce Guttman
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Paul Martin
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« Reply #29 on: Nov 23, 2012, 07:12AM »

The final one in the clip, with the stuff all over his nose, is probably still at it.... :)

Odd though. It would never have occurred to me to give a dog peanut butter!

Dogs absolutely love it, we keep 2 jars at all times, one for us, one for the dogs.
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RedHotMama
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« Reply #30 on: Nov 23, 2012, 07:20AM »

Dogs absolutely love it, we keep 2 jars at all times, one for us, one for the dogs.

I wish I'd known this years ago! I'd have loved to see my boy Kenny eating it. :)
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Christine (red hot - that's what!)
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Roger Anderson
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« Reply #31 on: Nov 23, 2012, 09:09AM »

Had to wait for Thanksgiving before the Christmas jokes could start...

Why does Santa Claus come to town with a smile on his face?

He knows where all the naughty little girls live.
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« Reply #32 on: Nov 25, 2012, 08:00PM »

Wish I could go with the Christmas Joke lead, but, this is serious:

Alium Poisoning: Verboten for dogs: onions, garlic, leeks, et al. of the Alium tribe;

http://www.vet.cornell.edu/consultant/Consult.asp?Fun=Cause_2145&spc=All&dxkw=poison&sxkw=&signs

I never knew about this until riding to rehearsal with a very savvy string bass player.

Cheers,

Dog Lover (not beyond 1st base, though) in Waldport
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3rd Trombone in Waldport
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« Reply #33 on: Dec 23, 2012, 09:11AM »

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"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.
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« Reply #34 on: Dec 24, 2012, 03:37AM »

Wish I could go with the Christmas Joke lead, but, this is serious:

Alium Poisoning: Verboten for dogs: onions, garlic, leeks, et al. of the Alium tribe;

Chocolate too.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theobromine_poisoning
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Christine (red hot - that's what!)
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« Reply #35 on: Dec 24, 2012, 08:17AM »











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"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.
Sydney Australia

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« Reply #36 on: Feb 12, 2013, 10:17AM »

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"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.
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« Reply #37 on: Feb 12, 2013, 05:36PM »

Headline reads:  Benedikt Resigns, Indicates He's Too Pooped to Pope
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Sydney Australia

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« Reply #38 on: Feb 14, 2013, 08:27PM »

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"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.
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« Reply #39 on: Feb 22, 2013, 09:31AM »

A woman goes on vacation and leaves her pet cat with her older brother.  She calls one day, and in the midst of the conversation, she asks, "so how's fluffy?".  The brother hems and haws a little, then says, "I don't know how to tell you this, but fluffy's dead".  She bursts into tears, and when she gets her composure, she rips her brother a new one. "How can you just say, 'he's dead'? If it were mom, she'd say, 'well, fluffy's on the roof but we can't get her down'.  Then, the next time I called, she'd say, 'we went up on the roof but she fell to the ground, but the vet is hopeful for her recovery'. The next time I'd call, she'd say,'well, fluffy took a turn for the worse'. THEN the next time she'd call, she'd break the bad news.  By the way, how IS Mom?"
He took a deep breath and said,
"Mom's on the roof and we can't get her down" Evil
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Daniel De Kok
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